ever just have reality slap you across the face on an instant that seems completely random?

well, this morning I had one of those. I guess it just finally fully hit me that one of my dearest friends who I love more than I can type in this silly little journal is indeed leaving the country. It actually physically hurt. I haven't cried in quite some time (which is odd for me) but this morning it just hit me with full force, that some one who I am use to seeing no less than once a week, usually much, much more than that, will be gone in about a month. And it makes me nauseous every time I think of it. Though I am fully aware that he will never fade from my life, no matter the distance, and that he's more family to me than most of my blood family, I still can't help but feel as though I am losing some one.

This little emo-tastic mood of mine just continued to develop this morning from that to realizing that this wonderful chapter in my life, like all others before it will come to an end , and I have a good idea that it will end much sooner than I had wanted, but then again who am I to mourn what is not yet lost? These past few months have been without a doubt the most entertaining, the most tremulous, most fun, strangest, most surprising, most eye opening, weirdest, most unpredictable, most loved, in my life, and in which I have learned more about myself, the people around me, and just pretty much everything I once saw as a static environment.

Friends leave, some physically, others just grow away from us. Which may be the hardest part for me to grasp right now. I'm perfectly use to people abandoning, backstabbing, or simply loosing interest in me, but I have never had any one leave me literally. And now two of my very closest friends, who seem to have jumped into my life fasted and more enthusiastically than any other before are leaving. But I guess there in lies the beauty of it: We're still friends, unlike those that leave metaphorically. And one we WILL live in a house in Norway together dammit. If its the last thing I do.

Conclusion?
Two of my closest friends are leaving, one much further than I can really seem to grasp.
This unrealistically pleasant/fun/marvelous/crazy and all around positive chapter must end within a few months, if not sooner.
But for those months (or weeks which ever it may be) I am going to enjoy every god damn moment of it, and not anticipate what may be lost in the future, nor mourn what has been lost already.

Carpe diem!!!!!